Things To Ponder On A Rainy Friday...

 Well, it's raining by me anyway.

 

  So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t.  That must be frustrating....
 
Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
 
Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
 
The older I get, the more I understand why roosters scream to start their day.
 
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the ‘cool table’ in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
 
You know you’re over 50 when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen’.
 
How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life, when… the rabbit is always jumping but only lives for around two years, and… the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives over  200 years.
 
If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
 
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
 
When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.
 
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
 
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to respond CLOSE ENOUGH.
 
If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
 
We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …… Metamucil and Ensure.
 
You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means knowing someone who can drive at night.
 
Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
 
After watching how some people wore their masks, I understand why contraception fails.
 
Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
 
For those of you that don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version…. it doesn’t listen to anything.
 
I just got a present labeled, ‘From Mom and Dad,’ and I know damn well that Dad has no idea what’s inside.
 
Now that Covid has everyone washing their hands correctly…next week…Turn Signals.
 
Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”  I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
 
The pessimist complains about the wind.  The optimist expects it to change.  The realist adjusts his sails.
 
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
 
I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
 
My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
 
Exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.